Enough (part 2)

A few years after my parents split up and my father moved out of California to Texas, he and I began a written correspondence. We used stationary, pens, typewriter paper, typewriters, stamps and sometimes markers. It took time, was on purpose and preserved our relationship. It would be decades before I understood the magnitude that written language and words were a safe way for my daddy to communicate with me. It was good for me too. I learned by example how to explain things. I learned a lot about my father's past, he would tell me stories and he somehow had a knack for speaking to me age appropriately. As I matured, so did the letters both ways; I was taking more time composing and sharing excitedly with my dad what was going on in my world. Then a strange thing happened. One day I received one of my own letters back, corrected in RED PEN! I was a little confused. I remember showing my mom and she laughed and explained that was his way of trying to help me be a better writer. I shrugged it off initially then he and I talked about it on the phone. What I remember most is the feeling that after all this time writing to my dad, suddenly, there was a new standard. He didn't realize it of course, but I began to shrink back because I felt like whatever I wrote wouldn't be good enough. SHAME began to weave it's lies deeper into my life. It wasn't the first time I experienced this feeling, but it was the first time with my daddy where I thought I had to do better to be accepted by him, to stay perfect in his eyes. So I tried really hard to do better. I succeeded most of the time, although occasionally he'd rewrite my own words to me in his letter back to me with some grammatical or spelling correction. Oddly enough, years later in high school, a similar thing happened with my mom when I showed her an English paper I'd received an A+ on. I was proud and she read it happily and carefully. Then she said "This is very good Elizabeth, BUT you could have expounded here on this idea more thoroughly." "BUT?" What? she actually regraded my paper out loud and pointed out several things that could have been better...on an A+ paper! My heart sank. I didn't say a word in my defense, because my mother was always right, just about, at that time I thought she could do no wrong. I swallowed hard and decided, Wow, I guess I'll just have to try harder to be good enough to get her complete approval.

I obviously wasn't good enough...shame whispered again this lie that I now believed as truth.

Now I know my parents really adored me. They poured everything they could into me. I was very fortunate to be loved like that. They had no idea their helpful instruction wounded my tender, eager-to-please heart. And still, that pervasive lie of shame set me up for striving for perfection the rest of my life. It has taken years to unpack it, look at each component, receive God's gracious healing and move forward.

So the words "I'm enough" have empowered me at times, because I felt I lacked when really I should have been ok with being me. But there is so much more than believing I AM ENOUGH...because that pressure, (as I wrote on 'Enough part 1') of trying to believe we are enough IS NOT sustainable in and of ourselves.

When we are ready to get honest with ourselves, we will see a lot of icky stuff, and that's when the real paradox of healing happens. We have to go through the junk to get to the treasure. God is teaching me I am his masterpiece, his beautiful creation, his sweet sweet song, his beloved. And I'm searching for Him, he's the treasure, he's the reason I am enough. Anything good in me is what he's put there.

So if someone has or is shaming you, berating you, ridiculing you, putting you down, ignoring you, laughing at you, telling you you're not cutting the mustard, mocking you, insulting you to your face or gossiping behind your back....you have an important choice to make.

Don't take the bait of shame. Instead, tell yourself what's true.

Remind yourself that because of Christ...you are enough. He is wild and crazy about you! He never stops thinking about you. He is always listening, always caring, always protecting and always providing for you. That will put a smile on your face. These truths are a forcefield that hold strong against the lies of the accuser. If you can, begin to thank and praise God for His goodness. This reinforces the shield. Then imagine God standing between you and that person or lie and stand strong in knowing Whose you are. Sometimes the best thing to do is walk away in love. Sometimes a gentle word turns away wrath. But most importantly, know that no matter what is done or said, we are safe. Greater is He that is in us, than he who is in the world. He's enough for us. The old lies will diminish over time. Sure, it takes practice and a lot of wading through icky stuff, but he will remind you of who you are because of his love and the treasures there are incomparable.

Don't settle any more. The best is yet to come.